Where Do I Go From Here...

I went to New Orleans this past weekend to see one of my beautiful friends marry the man of her dreams.  It was truly what a girl would dream of and plan her entire life.

This past weekend brought me back to my family that I no longer have...I haven't been able to say "I do" to the one I gave my heart to and I wasn't able to be there with my "family" as I watched one of my best friends dance with her daddy...or dance with her husband for the first time.

It made me think of everything that I "lost" because of ones choice to live a lifestyle of sin (drugs).  It tore thru my life like Hurricane Katrina.  I lost everything I had...I lost the man I loved and my best friend, I lost the father of my little boy, I lost my family, I lost my home, I lost my truck, and I about lost my mind.  In the midst of everything I lost my faith because I never saw anything getting better.  I wanted to see the man I loved healed of his addiction.  I know that God can heal him but nothing changed.  Things got worse...and here I am today...without my love and alone.

But TODAY...I have a home, a vehicle, a good job, a healthy baby boy to come home to every single day, a healthy baby boy to wake up to every single morning, I am gaining my faith daily, I have seen God's hand thru all of this...I know that His hand is on the father of my little boy and I know that God has big plans for him as well.

I know that I will be able to help those that are going thru the same things I went thru...and only can someone truly "understand" what you are going thru if they have been their themselves.  I wouldn't want anyone to walk in the shoes I have walked in the past 4 years...but I keep those shoes as a reminder as to the life I endured because I walked away from God.  But, I put on new shoes...shoes that are going to guide me and help me live my life for God...

I will get my life back...I will get my faith back...and I will live a life out loud for God!!!

This little boy has my heart!!!!

Give me fuel... give me fire...

Nothing motivates me more than someone "adding fuel" to my life.  I know I should have something more to motivate me but I like to prove people wrong.  I like people to "think the worst" and then me "show them the best".  I have many goals to prove to not only myself but to those who think that I will never make it.

#1.  Get involved in church again.
#2.  Start working out and enter a fitness competition.
#3.  Find a way to move up at my job.
#4.  Manage my finances better.
#5.  Be positive no matter what and don't let my faith decrease no matter what comes my way!

God is good all the time...all the time God is good!!

I BELIEVE and SPEAK great things to come very soon!

One week...

It has been one week since I started "trying" to eat healthier!  It has not been easy and I haven't done that great!!

I have done a few workouts, if you can even call them that...but I am determined that I am going to live a healthier life and I am going to stay focused!!

Day 6...

I have decided to begin eating healthy...and working out a little.  I was obsessed with working-out at one point in my life.  I could work out hours and never get "tired" of it.  I liked the way it made me feel...it made me more energetic...it made me feel better about my appearance...it also made me feel "strong" because I worked out with heavier weights.

Well, I didn't intentionally give up working out but my gym closed down...I had a baby...and the gym I have a membership at now is across the river and the "nursery" closes at 7 pm.  That's pushing it for me to leave my work...head across the river to pick up Kendall...back across the river to workout...and then head back across the river to go home.

So, I have slowly started "working-out" at home.  And by slowly...I mean slowly...I started Day 1 with calves...and then day 2 I added abs!! I have also added a few legs in the mix but I'm still taking baby steps. 

My little boy (he's 3) is taking my before and after pictures.  I will post them weekly, if I see any change, because I haven't really stuck to my "diet" and I think my healthy food just makes me hungrier!!!

Hopefully, I will be able to get back in shape...The pictures to the left is my motivation!  That was in 2005...let's see what I can do in 2011!

Happy 4th of July...Freedom!

This 4th of July I realize what freedom really means for so many...not just to be free in the United States but to truly be free! Their are so many people held back from truly living life freely because they are in chains...chains of addiction...chains of feeling as if they aren't good enough...chains from their past...chains from a relationship...chains from running from the life God has for them...chains of being confined in a cell...chains...chains...chains...

I remember years ago I was on a church trip...I can't remember exactly what church I was with at the time but the speaker that night spoke about chains and what we have been holding onto or something that has been keeping us from moving forward.  I had been struggling with a boyfriend that I truly did love but I knew that it was never going to work out between us; however, I could not let go.  After the speaker was done, we were giving actual chains.  These chains represented what was holding us down...my chain was a guy.  I was able to physically cut that chain...that chain now was broken in two.  I was free...or so I thought.  It wasn't that easy...I still have issues with that particular "chain" this very day but I also have those chains in my Bible...to remember what I asked God to deliver me from.  I should have a bag full of chains that I have asked God to deliver me from...but I actually only have this one chain as a reminder!

But in Christ, we are able to be free! We are able to live a life free from our past...from our bad decisions...from our chains!  Freedom Freedom Freedom...is found in God only!!

Happy 4th of July to all!!!