Feet Prints...

I think little feet are the cutest...and love photos of little feet! These are my little boys in the middle and his two friends on each side.

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking...

Words Can Not Explain My Love For Him

We are His portion and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

by John Mark McMillan

I can't explain how much I love my little boy. I never knew love could be this deep! Wow...and the above verse states that if grace is an ocean we are all sinking...if you think about the depth and width of the ocean...it's almost never ending it seems. 

That's how much our heavenly father loves us...He gave his only son for us!!

Kendall is my one and only child...I can't fathom giving him up for anything!!!!!

Don't regret the things you have done...accept God's grace and forgiveness...and most of all HIS never ending and unfailing love!

Oh how He loves us!!!

Power of spoken words...

After having a wonderful weekend without yelling or negative words spoken...my devotional tonight happen to be on speaking blessings into your life.

My Positive!!

I can be the world's worst about speaking life...and in the next breath speaking death into someone.  With the love of my life and the father of my little boy being an addict, I have been thru major turmoil.

I have so much bottled up inside because of the hurt I have felt over the past three years.  I want nothing but his soul to be saved...because I know he would touch many lives with the help of God.  But when I remember the ugly things that happened I speak death to him...I can tear him completely apart by my words...right after sending out an uplifting Bible verse...and that's wrong.

We are to speak life...life in our own lives...life in our childrens lives...life in our friends...life in our parents...in our family...in our co-workers! You never know when a kind or uplifting word will restore ones faith!!

Watch your words today...even your thoughts because our thoughts become actions!

Weekend away...date with the most beautiful brown eyed boy...

My friend and I took our boys to Little Rock this weekend and stayed at the Peabody. What an awesome experience. That's all the boys needed...ducks to ride an elevator and walk down the red carpet into the foutain.

My little boy loved the ducks!! We went to the Little Rock Zoo and then we had a date night with our boys.

It was a great weekend enjoying the most important person in my life...Kendall Beck!!

The Peabody

Nostalgia...

Tonight at church our pastor really hit home...he mentioned the word nostalgia...defined as yearning for the past.

Something I catch myself doing often after everything that has happened in my life over the past three/four years.  I had GREAT times...FUN times...times where I stayed out all night doing nothing of importance...but enjoying the one I was with at that particular time. The one that I fell in love with and gave my heart and soul to...there were so many little moments that I wish could happen right now...I long for times of the past...

But our pastor spoke on nostalgia...stating that we can long for the past all we want...but it's not coming back...times change...things change...circumstances change...we change! We can sit around all day longing, wanting and remembering the good ole' days...wishing that we could go back...to that one moment...as we long though...life continues to pass us by...life doesn't ever stop...it doesn't wait for us to get things together...or get things "perfect" it continues to move forward...we miss out on the new moments that we could have looked back and longed for...

It's not bad to remember the good...even the bad of the past...but to dwell and wish things were as they were a year ago...10 years ago...just makes us get stuck in a rut...

Remember the past experiences in life have made us who we are today...we can look back...we can look forward...but let's never forget THE MOMENT...Enjoy the little things in life...reading a goodnight book to your children before bed...getting the opportunity to speak to your parents on a daily basis...cleaning up the little finger prints on the window from your little ones dirty hands...having your little one come up to you during the night because they are scared of the thunder...

Life is a journey...enjoy every moment!

Pressing In...

I know that so many, probably everyone, have come to a point in their life, in their day, etc. when they felt like throwing their hands up and saying "I can't do it."  I don't mean giving up on life...I mean just settling in life to the point where they think this it...this is what my life has become and I will just have to accept it. 

Example...when you wake up in the morning...and nothing seems to go right...nothing bad happens...just every little thing goes wrong...you wake up...get everything together....walk outside to rain...spill your drink on your wardrobe for the day...rush rush rush...get behind every slow person possible on the way to work...get rude customers...everything seems to hit a nerve...your last nerve...or the nerves you have lost!

That was me today...absolutely nothing bad happened...My little boy actually had me laughing before I walked out of the door today...but as soon as I dropped him off I decided that I was going to focus on the rain...the gloom...realizing that I had to walk FOREVER to get to my building...in the rain...in my heels...

It just seemed I was irritated at everything...when nothing was really going wrong. I almost gave up and decided I was just going to declare this a bad day...but I then decided I was going to change things...because your attitude changes all! I decided to be a little nicer....to focus on the good and to press in...when I felt like throwing my hands up and being unproductive for the rest of the day...I pressed in...I asked God to help me as I struggled to focus on the good things of this day...

I imagine that we have all missed out on great things because we just gave up...threw our hands up and decided this is it...it's going to be a bad day...it's going to be a bad month...a bad year...instead of pressing in and trying to turn things around...reaching for more...more of life! Who knows what blessings we may have experienced had we hung in there one more minute...one more hour...one more day...it's those times...when you need to press in even harder...

Life will have its ups and downs...jobs will be good...but jobs can also be stressful...sickness may come...death may come...but God says His Joy comes in the morning...troubles will not last a lifetime...Press in...Focus on what is good! Don't give up!!! Because when we throw in the towel...we miss life! We miss the best!!

We all have something in our life that is a blessing...count your blessings...count your trials...count the good and count the bad...it all makes our life what it is today!!

Enjoy the journey...rest in God's love...

Country Girl...

I love music...especially country music...I believe country music lyrics are truly the journey of life written in words that some can never explain.

One in particular that I love is Diamond Rio's God is There...

Because three years ago...I was there...the baby girl of the family...daddy's baby girl at that...

Surrounded by the darkness
It all came down too soon
Longing for redemption in this cold hospital room,
God is There.
What will she tell her family
Still her daddy's little girl
She can't believe she's showing
Carrying the weight of the world
God is there
Where you think He wont come to
That's where He'll be
Waiting for you
God is there
In the middle of your night
In every single moment
In every single light
He's reaching for you
Right where you are
The God of the impossible is never very far
Oh, imagine a place He would never be
No height no depth
Not life nor death separate you, ever separate you, ever separate you.

But on March 25, 2008 God stepped in to my life and gave me the greatest miracle ever...Kendall Beck Ford. God's word says He will turn things around to bring Him glory!! God knew what it would take for me to wake up...God knew that if something didn't happen...and soon...that one of His chosen ones would make a turn for the worse.  He was able to make good of the bad decisions that I had made over the past several years in my life.  God brought a little baby boy in my life...and no matter what the circumstances were surrounding him coming into this world...He came at just the right time.  God is amazing...God has blessed me with a healthy, wonderful, beautiful baby boy.

Imagine a place that God would never be...He is there!! God of the impossible!!!!

So no matter what weight you are carrying around today...God is there...and will help you thru the journey and will allow you to bring Him glory...Trust God...Never give up...

Pumpkin Patch...should be cold...but I was sweating!

My friend and I took our boys to the Pumpkin Patch. I have never been before but I knew it would make for great photo opportunities. Well, we packed up our kids and headed to Start, LA to visit the Pumpkin Patch.  It was the neatest thing ever. We actually got to pick the pumpkins out of the patch...I have never seen that before...

They had activities for the kids...a hay ride...a tractor/choo choo train ride...a duck race...goats...tire swings that looked like horses that went in circles similar to a fair ride...

It was a great day...it was hot for the occassion but we enjoyed it and we got some really great pictures.

I love the fall!!! This week we have many activities to gear up for this weekend...My mother's birthday is Thursday...my sis in law's birthday is Friday...our hometown college football team will host their homecoming and my work is the sponsor...and then we have trick or treating!

This week is going to be great...

For this is the day that the Lord has made...I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Back to reality...

Back to reality...

Well this past weekend my little boy and I got to live outside of reality for a little while. We had a Hummer H3 for the weekend...we have a Cadillac Escalade but it's not working at this time because the motor is blown. So we are driving a truck...courtesy of Kendall's daddy. I do thank God that I at least had a ride to fall back on and we weren't truly without.

But I do need to look for a new vehicle. I love black and when I passed this Black Hummber I just had to test it out...I love it though it did have its faults.

I prayed and asked God to show me or speak to me regarding this new vehicle. Well, this morning I went outside to check my mailbox...I got the letter from the state explaining how much I would get per month for childcare assistance...needless to say...God showed me very clearly that I am to wait. I will still have to pay on Kendall's childcare...and it's the amount of a new truck note.

I count my blessings and came down from Cloud 9...but I have a great reality.  Though I am not driving a new Hummer H3...I am living a very blessed life at this time. God has opened doors and continues to open doors as long as I keep trusting in Him....

This day my oldest brother also turned 40!!! The monumental milestones in life...we will look back on this day and say and hopefully we will be able to speak about the wonderful ways God transformed our lives after we finally gave everything to Him...

Because he is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than we could ever imagine...

Speak those things in which you want...

The power of words is more influential than we may think.  The words we speak over ourselves. The words we speak over our family. The words we speak over our kids. Think back when you were young at what words were spoken over you.

I had the blessings of positive words being spoken over me throughout my life. I was the best no matter what because that's what I was told. I could do anything. I was talented. I was beautiful. I could accomplish my dream. I wasn't cocky because of the positive words spoken over my life.  I was confident.  I started at a young age competing in pageants and not because my mother wanted me to but because I wanted to compete. I learned early about the power of jealousy. I learned that there would always be someone better, someone more talented, someone prettier, someone smarter, but there would only be one me. I was the best me that anyone could ever be because the words that were spoken over me.

If we are to be so full of faith in our almighty God then our words need to back up our faith. Our actions need to back up our words. We need to start speaking life in to those that are lost in our dark world.  We need to speak healing. We need to speak salvation. We need to speak uplifting words to those that have been beaten to the point that they have no desire to fight for anything in life because they have been told that they are worthless or that they have done too much to ever climb out the hole they dug for themselves.  We need to speak joy, peace, comfort, happiness and we need to speak love. 

This is the day that the Lord has made...I will rejoice and be Glad. Not I might...Not if I get my way...not if the sun doesn't peak thru the clouds...but I will rejoice in God and I will be glad. I will speak life in to this dark city...in to this dark country and in to this dark world.

I will speak life over my little boy. He's not going to become what people speak of him but he will become a man of God. He will be taught God's word. He will know that he is handsome.  He will know that he is smart. He will know that he is talented. He will know that he can do anything he sets his mind to because the power of spoken words.

There is life and death in the power of the tongue. Do your words destory lives or do your words speak life?

Watch your words carefully...watch what you speak over your life and those around you. Watch others around you. Do they encourage you or do they continually speak death over you and those around you.

Happines and positive attitudes are contagious...make those that are around you want to "catch" what you have...

Happy Thursday!

Perfect Payne...

Since absolutely no one knows I have this blog at this time I am free to write whatever my little heart desires.

I have so much to write about, to share with all, the perfect Payne's of life.  From losing someone you love due to decisions in their life...from seeing my little boy in PICU from a head injury my little boy got while staying with a sitter...from having both parents battle cancer...from watching my brother fight for his little girl...from hurricanes....from heartache...from trying for my childhood dream and being defeated...from enjoying the best thing in life that anyone could ever imagine...the life of a child!

I have read so many stories that make me cling to my little boy and remember how blessed I am everyday regardless of the little "Payne's" I experience in life. I have been encouraged daily by people I don't know and by people who have no clue I read their blog.  It reminds me to appreciate the small things in life and the big things as well. 

No matter what I have been thru...the journey that no one knows I have been traveling...I have a God that has been by my side since day one...no matter what decisions I made to get me to this point...God's word says He has a purpose for me...and daily I find my purpose in life.

Today...my purpose is my two year old little boy...to lead him and show him how to live a life according to God's word...not by talk...but by my walk.

I hope I am able to encourage someone as they have encouraged me...

God Bless You All!